I Will Inherit the Money Anyway!

-by Pat Fosdick, Director of Client Services

Dear Pat,

My adult daughter asked to borrow some money recently.  In the conversation she said “well, I am going to inherit the money anyway!”  This hurt my feelings and made me wonder if she is looking forward to my death so she can inherit my money. 

Am I wrong to feel that way?

If she were my daughter, I would be concerned that what she said indicates a lack of respect for me and my possessions.  I hope you communicate your concerns to her, and I hope she learns from the experience and will gain maturity as a result.

I would ask myself, if she has that attitude now, will her attitude change with age?  Will she be a honorable steward of my resources and make sure they are used for my best interests?  I hope the answer is yes.

Elders beware, family members who take advantage of their parents or grandparents rarely believe they are doing something wrong.  They have all sorts of justifications, such as:

“Dad would have wanted me to have this”

“Mom doesn’t need this anymore”

“This will help her qualify for Medicaid”

“She owes me for all I do for her”

Fact: the most likely person to exploit a senior is a family member.  That is an awful sentence to write, but it is a well established truth.  And, within families, adult children are at the top of the list.

Financial abuse of seniors by family members is a dirty little secret that needs the light of day.  It is hidden from view because the victims are often embarrassed and don’t want to expose the family member to shame.  

You can imagine the feelings of the victim, wondering if their own parenting skills are at fault.  Of course, many elders have lost their cognitive skills and are not aware of family members helping themselves to money that is needed for her care.

Sometimes the abuser is a family member who is also the principle caregiver.  That person may be their primary lifeline to obtaining basic life necessities.  In that case the senior may be afraid to blow the whistle, and wonder if anyone would actually hear it.

A MetLife study says that “the “typical” victim of elder financial abuse is between the ages of 70 and 89, white, female, frail and cognitively impaired. She is trusting of others and may be lonely or isolated.  Of course many victims are also male, and the ages do vary. 

One expert called elder financial abuse the ‘crime of the 21st century.’

What can you do to avoid being exploited?  Number one, of course, is to be vigilant. 

Next, yes you’ve heard it a million times, spend the money needed to create a will and possibly a trust that makes it clear who will have access to your money during your lifetime and after.  A durable power of attorney, giving authority to a highly trusted individual, will go a long ways to avoiding exploitation as you age.

Do you have a question for Pat?  You can contact her at pfosdick@yourguardian.org or call (269) 963-3253 ext. 111.

“Safeguarding At-Risk Adults,” Guardian Finance and Advocacy Services is a nonprofit organization with forty-three years of trusted service to the people of Calhoun and Kalamazoo Counties.  Their services range from helping people balance their checkbook to serving in court appointed roles.  More information is available at www.yourguardian.org or tel. (866) 963-3253. 

Guardian is a United Way organization.